The Woman Tax

I am so frustrated by the constant reminder that being a woman comes with so many different taxes. Just when I think that I’ve understood all the taxes, a new one pops up.

As a child, I began to understand that menstruating, with all of the attendant costs and problems, was the first of the woman taxes that I would deal with. I would be expected to pay a monthly tax in pain while also concealing this pain to protect boys and men from having to show empathy toward me. I would pay a tax on my time dealing with the physical discomfort, a tax in distraction as I worried if I was bleeding through, a tax in teachers being angry at me for taking longer in the bathroom than they think necessary. And this is in addition to the actual cost of tampons or sanitary napkins, something that society has decided to pass onto individual women, when toilet paper—because it is used by men, as well—is assumed to be a social cost of having restrooms.

Taking care of other people’s feelings, especially young men I dated, but also older men in the religion I was part of. I was told that it was my job to make sure that they didn’t have sexual thoughts. It was also my job to do a whole variety of other things to caretake them, from speaking in a modulated voice and never shouting to saying kind things to them to soothe their egos.

I pay a tax on many feminine products outside of sanitary supplies. Women’s perfume costs more. Women’s shampoo costs more. Women’s deodorant costs more. (I’ve actually switched in multiple cases to the men’s version because I don’t care to pay extra for a supposedly “feminine” scent. Women have to pay for more razors than men because the surface area we are shaving is larger. We pay a tax on our clothing, which is more expensive than men’s to begin with, and then again, because we’re expected not to wear the same outfit as often. We are demonized for being slaves to fashion, but mocked if we wear last year’s styles. If you choose not to wear makeup or pay for frequent hairstyling and manicures/pedicures, you are mocked and treated worse (sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously) by men and women around you. You are always expected to be aware of your appearance, and then also told you are superficial when you posts a selfie that shows off your skills.

There’s a woman tax on my pay, in addition to the woman tax on what kinds of jobs I’m allowed to get in the first place. Women are encouraged from an early age to choose more “feminine” jobs, which also are overwhelmingly lower in pay and status. Even if we do get jobs that are not coded as feminine, we are on average paid less than the men who have the same jobs. In addition, if we take time off for childbirth, childcare, or any of the family obligations of elder care or other family care that we are often expected by society to take, our options for going back to our jobs are limited. Some employers do not offer any leave at all in these situations. Other simply penalize us (and any women who come after us) for taking this leave.

And all of this doesn’t even get at the problems of promotion, where women often struggle with a “glass ceiling” imposed on their work advancement. Women are told simultaneously that they need to do emotional labor at work and also that they won’t be paid for this labor. Men are not expected to do this, and can devote more time to paid labor. Women are also told that being too ambitious is a negative, can be told they are shrill or pushy if they show the same behavior as men who are “getting ahead.” Then they are also told that they aren’t ambitious enough or don’t show enough “leadership” skills to be advanced, so it’s their own fault.

The higher women go in a company, the fewer women there are around them. This can be another kind of tax because these few women are then expected to speak for all women, to do all the work of educating the men in leadership about women, and once again, do not get paid for this additional labor. Women are told that they are supposed to help make the company a better place to work for other women by complaining about harassment in the workplace, and then are often penalized for being a squeaky wheel. If this doesn’t happen, it is still a tax on their time and energy that is uncompensated. If you make a report, the company is supposedly better, but do you get to claim that as a point on your annual review? Do you get a bonus? It may sound ridiculous to suggest this, but it’s labor to complain. Why isn’t it paid?

Emotional labor in general is something that women are often told they have to do because it is “natural” for them. Natural for them to show empathy, to do work to make the work environment a more congenial place. But how often are they recognized or promoted for this work? Given the chance to mentor others to do more of this work? Instead, women are expected to do the labor because of their nature and then are penalized when men show more individualistic behaviors that get them promotions, even if those behaviors are not shown statistically to improve company culture or even the company’s bottom line—only that man’s individual bottom line. Women who are mothers are often seen as a drain on company resources, when in fact, they are the most efficient workers and the best at real leadership tests.