Money Problems

I work in the financial world now and am technically a CFP (certified professional professional). However, because of my current job I am absolutely NOT allowed to make any recommendations of any financial product or company of any kind. So please be aware that nothing I say here is any kind of endorsement of anything and certainly not a suggestion that you invest in this, that, or the other. But I came here to write simply that even if I were to make those kinds of suggestions, for most people it would make almost no difference in their actual lives. That is because most people are not struggling with big picture issues that can be solved with a time-value-of-money calculator and the percentage rate return you will get on index funds versus stocks.

Most people are struggling with the minutia of their financial lives. They are struggling with day-to-day and month-to-month decisions. Most people are unable to think about their investment portfolio because they are barely (or not) making it on their paycheck month to month considering their salary and the cost of living in the place they feel they have no choice but to live for reasons outside of their financial life. For most of my life, this was me. I couldn't get my head out of the water to see where my strokes were taking me because I was drowning in payments. The only “discretionary income” I had was tiny and used to help my kids hopefully have better lives in the future. (Thank you, past Mette because you did an excellent job at that. The kids are fine. Better than fine.)

I'm not going to give advice, but I would say that most people need to spend time tracking their income and their outgo for a few months before they make any proclamations about what they're going to do to change their financial lives. Look at what you're doing right now. And then be honest about why you are doing that. Because that's the key to seeing yourself truly and you can't change until you know what drives you.

Why do you get takeout when you do? How many miles are you driving? What repairs are you paying to your car? What do you do after a hard week at work to relax? Who are your friends and what time do you spend with them? What do your kids need and want?

If you're in a partnership, you have to accept that your partner does not value what you value and that you do not value what they value. This is unlikely to change (although it can). The best partnerships are able to embrace that the other person has other values and to work around and through those values—without losing sight of their own. Resentment is all that follows if one partner gets what they want and the other does not.

So, observe first. You don't actually need someone else to do that. And you probably don't need someone to tell you why you're doing it. You already know, if you can honestly admit the truth to yourself. Once you've figured that out, you're already on your way.