Dear Sixteen-Year-Old Mette

A coule of years ago, I wrote a series of letters to my past selves in an attempt to love that old self who made so many mistakes a little better. Here is the first one.

Dear Sixteen-Year-Old Mette,

You are amazing. Sometimes you have a glimpse of that, and then the adults around you squish it. Really, most of them are not on your side. They think that you are smart, but arrogant. They tell you that you don’t know enough about the world and that you’re stupid and young and naïve. And you are all those things. But you are also strong and incredibly smart and hard-working. You have a creative brain and a unique way of seeing the world that few people really see clearly around you or value as much as they should.

You are trying so hard to fit in, and I know how painful it is for you not to be normal, to have so few people who really see you and want you to be with them. It won’t help at all for me to tell you that you will find your tribe because that’s so many years away, but I look back at you and think how lonely you were. Not that you spent much time dwelling on that because you were so busy.

If I have advice for you, I guess it would be to just keep doing what you’re doing. Keep throwing your whole self at things. Pick yourself up and do it again. But you don’t really need that advice. Maybe if I could, I would wrap my arms around you and whisper back in time that you are going to find what you need. The road won’t be an easy one. You will doubt yourself a thousand times, but honey, you are just so good and so full of all the things. I am in awe sometimes when I think of you. You survived so much. You were wounded so many times and you just kept moving forward.

Sometimes I hate the mistakes that you made on your journey, but that’s so unfair of me. You were just a kid, doing your best. You really did do your best, more than your best sometimes. You made so many purses out of sows’ ears. You just kept finding ways to do more with less, to not hurt people who hurt you, to find beauty all around you, and to make stories and other beautiful things. And God, you were just so, so amazing. I want to send you back so much love and help. I want you to feel carried, somehow, by me now. Because you did so much and I would not be here without you doing all that. Thank you, little Mette. Thank you.