10 Lessons from a Mimi

10 Lessons from a Mimi:

1. You can’t make babies sleep, poop or eat.

2. You are not there to solve the problem, but to witness the problem

3. Listen without judgment, agenda, or solutions unless asked for them

4. Walk with people--both literally and metaphorically

5. Offer candy

6. Read books, not social media

7. You will do all the jobs over again every day. This is both annoying and beautiful

8. Prepare to be told you are old and useless

9. Transitions are hard, growing is hard; love is easy

10. Sleep however you can, whenever you can manage, but accept less sleep if necessary

I’m a new grandmother (Mimi) since August and I first want to say to all of the people who insisted that being a grandmother would be worth staying alive for, back when I was deeply suicidal: You were all right.

I keep trying to figure out all the reasons why it is so satisfying, joyful, and weirdly peaceful, even when the baby is crying. So far, this is what I have:

I don’t feel repsonsible most of the time for the end result of the baby. I don’t feel the weight I felt as a mother that anything that went wrong is my fault for not eating right well pregnant or exercising too much or having sex. I don’t worry if the baby is going to hate me (I definitely know now that the baby WILL hate me and I don’t care anymore—this is not a metric of my success as a grandparent). I have way more disposable income now that I can spend on baby stuff from books to Aquarium passes and it is just so fun. Is this spoiling the baby? I don’t think lavishing love and time and attention on a baby can spoil a baby. And, the same lesson I learned as a parent: babies help you see the normal world with new, excited eyes. Every sunrise, every bird flying, every new skill learned are so delightful!

[I admit, I am occasionally afraid that something I do will end up hurting the baby and therefore am extremely careful. I try not to let this mostly irrational fear run the show.]