This week, I installed an application that turns off my Facebook use if I am on it on my phone for more than fifteen minutes every four hours. I didn’t really think I had a social media addiction (only OTHER people have a problem with it, not me). But I tried it out and do you know what happened? Instead of being frustrated with being bored, I am finding myself simply being patient with my brain not having things to do all the time. I thought bored was the problem, but it turns out that boredom may be the solution.
Since childhood, I have hated boredom with a deep passion. I thought the best part of the smartphone was that I could download audiobooks and podcasts on it so that I could be constantly streaming “information” into my brain. I have loved the streaming era of entertainment (except for the apps forcing what they want you to watch on you, and even that I’m getting used to). I love that on long car drives, I get to choose books to listen to. During races where I’m allowed, I can listen to books, as well. I save up long shows to watch while exercising indoors. I like stimulation.
It's also true that I have found myself more and more distractable in the last five years. I used to have incredible focus. I could read a book for ten hours without hardly moving. I loved the sense of being caught up in another world and often felt like I had become the main character of the book and had to remind myself of the real world when I came out of that trance. Some of this has been disrupted by a deliberate choice to analyze books in the way that a writer often must, to learn how to see what is going on narratively, to either duplicate or improve upon it. Some of it might be age, which is how I’ve excused myself a lot lately. But a lot of it is simply that I’ve become used to never being bored, and simply reach for my phone and open social media to keep my brain busy.
I am slowly getting used to not turning my phone on while also watching a Netflix show after work. Weirdly, I have found my body returning to some weird childhood stims related to my childhood thumb sucking habits. Apparently that is what happens when I am bored. Or whatever is the right word to use instead of “bored.” Alone in my brain? Not distracting myself constantly from my own thoughts and emotions?
What’s the name of the app that turns FB off after 15 minutes? I could use something like that. Does it turn off other apps, or just FB?
This really grabbed my attention. I have found a similar "need" for distraction and have blamed it on ptsd (fire brain--I survived a wildfire in 2015 where I lost my home and peace of mind.) Hunting for news on ongoing fires and then later pandemic info (I am the safety coordinator at work) I scoured social media posts and news podcasts constantly. But your post made me realize that prior to 2015 and a need of more crucial information, I just used my phone for music, audio books and occasional facebook. I moved away from the fire zone in 2021 and there are much better tools (Watch Duty app) to track fires that may still affect me or loved ones. But I have found myself struggle to be alone in my thoughts, uncomfortable without constant input. I have blamed this on the fire, but it is time to re-examine how much is due to social media reinforcement and the input itself creating a need for more input. And I wonder what affect this has had on creating new bad habits such as mindless eating due to boredom or scrolling while watching tv. It is like I cannot just do one thing at a time.